For the first time ever I haven't felt the need to turn back. Usually I question my decision on leaving him alone only to find myself trying to woo him back. This time I feel it's what's emotionally necessary for the both of us. Not necessarily on to the next one, but learning from a lot of mistakes made and trying not to repeat them. The sad thing is, I don't know when the time will come when I have to put these lessons to use. It could be next month or several years. Will I have forgotten them by then? I just hope the heart stores a special place for love lessons and putting them into practice when the time is right.
Blah I'm just rambling. I'm up on cloud 9 and it's invoking a lot of emotions.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
I always try to name my posts something witty in hopes to inspire people to be want to read what i'm writing. I suck at it though so it's whatever. I don't want to "work on it" because I think wit is something that should come natural, not be learned.
So Tumblr seems to be the big to do now? I'm sure I'm probably late because I JUST got a twitter account, which I deleted because I only used it to stalk my ex anyway, i'm sure Tumblr has been around for years before my knowledge. This girl linked me to her Tumblr page and it was pretty sexy. It had porn clips, shoes and music which is a recipe for greatness. The past few times I've checked it, I've been uninspired. I wish she gets her mojo back.
So Tumblr seems to be the big to do now? I'm sure I'm probably late because I JUST got a twitter account, which I deleted because I only used it to stalk my ex anyway, i'm sure Tumblr has been around for years before my knowledge. This girl linked me to her Tumblr page and it was pretty sexy. It had porn clips, shoes and music which is a recipe for greatness. The past few times I've checked it, I've been uninspired. I wish she gets her mojo back.
Monday, January 10, 2011
I'mma blog I'mma blog I'mma mother effin blog
This year I'm determined to have a body. I'm tired of feeling like a shapeless blob. I fell off on my cardio workouts but I plan on getting back on track. I used to could do 4 miles in 30 minutes on the elliptical and now I can barely get to 3 miles. I just need to get back into the swing of things.
I have so much on my mind but our conversations always get me to thinking. Daydreaming. I wish I could bottle up all the good feelings and just let it out when I need to. So much has transpired it's crazy. Certainly not normal and certainly understandable.
I have so much on my mind but our conversations always get me to thinking. Daydreaming. I wish I could bottle up all the good feelings and just let it out when I need to. So much has transpired it's crazy. Certainly not normal and certainly understandable.
Friday, January 7, 2011
The nerve of some men
This dude whom I met online that I used to talk to on a regular basis is really feeling himself. Him and I used to be cool but we had a falling out and stopped talking. Somehow we started talking about but this time very infrequently. Every time he always hits me up on some he wants to marry me and fly me to where he's at tip. I'll stop talking to him for a few days and he ALWAYS hits me up first. Now he's acting as if I'm sweating him and people are just going to eat that up. Blah!
Getting over someone --The "Anti" rules
We've all had the displeasure of going through the process of getting over someone you really cared for and maybe even *gasp* Loved. Unfortunately for me it was so long between the last one and this one that I apparently have forgotten all the rules. I've tried the whole try to call and replace him with someone else but just like when you're on a diet and you say you're going to not eat sweets, the only thing you can think about it sweets so eventually you cave in? Well It's so much like that. So I'm going to test a new theory. Keep in mind that this theory is currently in practice so I'll have to make up/edit as I go.
Rule #1
Block him from all forms of internet contact, if possible. I'm talking facebook, twitter, email, etc. This is going to narrow down that the only way to contact him is via phone. (This is important)
Rule #2
Call. Yes Call. This is going back to the sweets/diet analogy. If you're anything like me he's the only one you're craving. The key to calling, is to call at a time when you know he probably WON'T answer. This is the disappointment phase. Again like on a diet when give into a desert and it's not even as good as you thought it should have been. It's like "I ruined my diet for this?" If you get disappointed enough at not hearing his voice, you won't even bother calling.
Rule#3
No texting and this corresponds to rule 2 try not to call from your own phone. Remember the goal is still NOT to talk to him and you don't want to be able to go back on last month's phone bill and see his number listed a hundred times. Use another person's phone or in my case, the house phone because that bill isn't in my name so I don't see it.
Rule #1
Block him from all forms of internet contact, if possible. I'm talking facebook, twitter, email, etc. This is going to narrow down that the only way to contact him is via phone. (This is important)
Rule #2
Call. Yes Call. This is going back to the sweets/diet analogy. If you're anything like me he's the only one you're craving. The key to calling, is to call at a time when you know he probably WON'T answer. This is the disappointment phase. Again like on a diet when give into a desert and it's not even as good as you thought it should have been. It's like "I ruined my diet for this?" If you get disappointed enough at not hearing his voice, you won't even bother calling.
Rule#3
No texting and this corresponds to rule 2 try not to call from your own phone. Remember the goal is still NOT to talk to him and you don't want to be able to go back on last month's phone bill and see his number listed a hundred times. Use another person's phone or in my case, the house phone because that bill isn't in my name so I don't see it.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
I've changed my mind
In true loose coilz fashion, I've changed my mind. It's too late for any resolutions and I need to abort the mission before I lose even more than I already have. I have a million other blessings and it's time to refocus my energy on something worthwhile. Peace be unto you.
"I've got myself to remind me of love"
If that's not one of the most under rated lines ever, I don't know what is. I've listened to that song and sung the lyrics a million times (Happy Feelings- Frankie Beverly and Maze) and never paid that line any attention. I'll be damned if it's not the truth or at least a truth that everyone should be striving for.
Musical Memories Part 1
If I can remember, I'm going to share a memory about certain songs that I like. I'll start off with the song I'm playing now:
Lauryn Hill ft. D'Angelo- Nothing Even Matters.
My cousin used to live right around the corner from me. I had locked my keys in the house and she let me chill at her crib until my mom came home. I had to be about 20 years old or so. So her phone rings and I answered it (she told me I should) and it was a collect call from jail. The first time I hung up because I wasn't accepting any calls from jail and my cousin wasn't there to approve it. Well dude kept calling (I don't even remember his name) and finally after about the 4th time, I answered. He asked for my cousin and I said she wasn't there but him and I kept talking, about what I don't even know.
From there I encountered my first and last experience fucking with a dude in jail. We exchanged correspondence and costly collect calls, which of course I was promised I would be reimbursed for--I never was. Well during one of our many calls, he told me to listen to the new Lauryn Hill CD track number twelve as this is how he felt about us and when he gets out we'll be some big happy family (me, him and his kids) and my dumb in love with love ass fell for it.
Anyway, fast forward to the day dude gets out of jail. Jail had not been good to him. He was not as buff as the pictures he sent, in fact he was really skinny and kind of sickly looking, a few teeth were missing and he came to see me right after running ball so he smelled terrible. I faked like I had somewhere to be, he asked me for some money in which I replied "I ain't go it", got in my car and never heard from nor tried to contact him again. Collect call money lost, a great song gained.
Lauryn Hill ft. D'Angelo- Nothing Even Matters.
My cousin used to live right around the corner from me. I had locked my keys in the house and she let me chill at her crib until my mom came home. I had to be about 20 years old or so. So her phone rings and I answered it (she told me I should) and it was a collect call from jail. The first time I hung up because I wasn't accepting any calls from jail and my cousin wasn't there to approve it. Well dude kept calling (I don't even remember his name) and finally after about the 4th time, I answered. He asked for my cousin and I said she wasn't there but him and I kept talking, about what I don't even know.
From there I encountered my first and last experience fucking with a dude in jail. We exchanged correspondence and costly collect calls, which of course I was promised I would be reimbursed for--I never was. Well during one of our many calls, he told me to listen to the new Lauryn Hill CD track number twelve as this is how he felt about us and when he gets out we'll be some big happy family (me, him and his kids) and my dumb in love with love ass fell for it.
Anyway, fast forward to the day dude gets out of jail. Jail had not been good to him. He was not as buff as the pictures he sent, in fact he was really skinny and kind of sickly looking, a few teeth were missing and he came to see me right after running ball so he smelled terrible. I faked like I had somewhere to be, he asked me for some money in which I replied "I ain't go it", got in my car and never heard from nor tried to contact him again. Collect call money lost, a great song gained.
Let's talk resolutions
I've become increasingly lazy in my desire to write. Not that I was much of a formal writer, but I always dug writing poems, rhymes and journal entries mainly because there is no pressure on having the correct grammar and all that jazz. I still try to spell at least half way decent when I can.
So the season of resolutions has started. "Lose weight, get healthy get in shape" (In my father from the Nutty Professor voice) I think most everyone desires that. I decided to say screw that one this year, as 2010 was awesome for me in terms of getting on the fitness bandwagon. I'll return shortly after the resolutioners quit crowding up the gym equipment. My focus instead, will be on my spiritual health. Instead of pushing people away, finding a useful purpose for them in my life. This requires making a halfway decent attempt at getting to know people instead of judging them right off the bat.
The more I get to know myself, the more I want to get to know others. It's like taking apart something and just looking at it's parts and then putting it back together. As we all know, the first few times you put it together incorrectly but with practice you eventually get it right. I think that process is the same when getting to know someone. Arguments, disagreements, spats, etc are just ways of taking people apart. If your focus is to simply be right or just to get your point across you're going to put together that person wrong each time and eventually things will fail. But if you take your time and really focus on getting to the know the person the process becomes a little easier and perhaps the arguments are far and few between. Just a little theory I have.
On the eve of the New Year I wrote in my journal that this would be the year of "Anti-Love" what a crock that was. Love is my damn driving force. I'm more determined that ever to figure this shit out and I know my time is running out. It's only so long you'll be forgiven before you're written off. Thank the Lord and Thank him for second, third, fourth, fifth, etc chances.
So the season of resolutions has started. "Lose weight, get healthy get in shape" (In my father from the Nutty Professor voice) I think most everyone desires that. I decided to say screw that one this year, as 2010 was awesome for me in terms of getting on the fitness bandwagon. I'll return shortly after the resolutioners quit crowding up the gym equipment. My focus instead, will be on my spiritual health. Instead of pushing people away, finding a useful purpose for them in my life. This requires making a halfway decent attempt at getting to know people instead of judging them right off the bat.
The more I get to know myself, the more I want to get to know others. It's like taking apart something and just looking at it's parts and then putting it back together. As we all know, the first few times you put it together incorrectly but with practice you eventually get it right. I think that process is the same when getting to know someone. Arguments, disagreements, spats, etc are just ways of taking people apart. If your focus is to simply be right or just to get your point across you're going to put together that person wrong each time and eventually things will fail. But if you take your time and really focus on getting to the know the person the process becomes a little easier and perhaps the arguments are far and few between. Just a little theory I have.
On the eve of the New Year I wrote in my journal that this would be the year of "Anti-Love" what a crock that was. Love is my damn driving force. I'm more determined that ever to figure this shit out and I know my time is running out. It's only so long you'll be forgiven before you're written off. Thank the Lord and Thank him for second, third, fourth, fifth, etc chances.
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